i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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