This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
