Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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