I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
