If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
