I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
