Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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