had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
