I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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