who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
