A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
