He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
