you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
