i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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