i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
