You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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