At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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