Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
