OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I can tuck mytits in my pants
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
