Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
