i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
