All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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