dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
