Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Semen is not good for contacts.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
