haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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