do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
