your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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