Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
