I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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