Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
