porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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