He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
