I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
