we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
