he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
