probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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