I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
