i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
