new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
