I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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