The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The feeling are messing with the penis
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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