I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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