Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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