North Korea, Best Korea!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize