Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
