You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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