Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
