dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
