He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize