P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
