it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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