return my video game
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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