i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
