Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
