i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
