My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Alive.
So much puke
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
