what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
