May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
