3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
false alarm, still single
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
