I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
