apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
