you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
