I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How external is "for external use only"?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
