did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
