That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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