hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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