This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's never too late to be topless.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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