I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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